I am very aware of my feelings and what I’m thinking and who I am. I’m aware of my age. I’m aware the life isn’t meant to be clear for me right now but I still feel like I just want to know. Even when I talk to you, I just want to say SHUT UP JAMIE. Stop thinking and talking and wondering and questioning. My words jumble up and I get confused and then I can’t figure out what the fuck I am confused about! And I start struggling to think about it and pin point it. All I know is that right now it’s my time, it’s about me, I am in control of me and my destiny. I do not want to be responsible for someone else’s feelings because I will be lying to him and lying to myself if I do not follow my heart. I am a fool. I am an idiot. I am 19. I don’t want to fall in love. I want to know me. I want to explore me. I want to experience me. I want to figure out who I am before I start figuring out life’s most powerful phenomenon. I am not ready to give myself to something like that. And I know when I do, it will be so beautiful and great and just exactly as I want it to be. Which is perfect.