I am very aware of my feelings and what I’m thinking and who I am. I’m aware of my age. I’m aware the life isn’t meant to be clear for me right now but I still feel like I just want to know. Even when I talk to you, I just want to say SHUT UP JAMIE. Stop thinking and talking and wondering and questioning. My words jumble up and I get confused and then I can’t figure out what the fuck I am confused about! And I start struggling to think about it and pin point it. All I know is that right now it’s my time, it’s about me, I am in control of me and my destiny. I do not want to be responsible for someone else’s feelings because I will be lying to him and lying to myself if I do not follow my heart. I am a fool. I am an idiot. I am 19. I don’t want to fall in love. I want to know me. I want to explore me. I want to experience me. I want to figure out who I am before I start figuring out life’s most powerful phenomenon. I am not ready to give myself to something like that. And I know when I do, it will be so beautiful and great and just exactly as I want it to be. Which is perfect.

family........ cant live with them, cant live without them! Trevor: loving school, i think he is a weirdo, mum assures me that i was weirder at his age but i dont know hey. but he is still a sweet, caring and sensitive little boy. i hate the way james and i treat him sometimes, we are so impatient and cruel sometimes. all he wants is to hang out with his big brother and sister and we never have time or we are really impatient or intollerant...... it breaks my heart when i see his face sometimes. i feel like a shitty sister sometimes, its fucking hard when he is so young. other than that he is loving it, couple of his friends from school have just moved around the corner so our house becomes a zoo every afternoon.